Guest Post By: Tammy M. Fontana, MS NCC CTRT Clinical Sex Therapist
Hi, I’m Tammy Fontana with All in the Family Counseling Center Private Limited. Today, I want to talk about a devastating experience that many people face – getting blindsided by life-changing news. Have you recently been blindsided and found yourself wondering how this happened? How did you not see the signs? One of the most painful examples is discovering your partner’s infidelity in marriage – a revelation that can shatter your world and leave you questioning everything.
Perhaps you’re dealing with unexpected job loss that’s thrown your financial security into chaos. Or maybe you’re facing serious marriage problems that seemed to appear out of nowhere. These situations can leave you feeling lost, confused, and wondering how you missed the warning signs that, in hindsight, seem so obvious.
You know how sometimes we look at others and think, “How can they not see what’s happening?” Maybe you’ve watched friends ignore clear signs of infidelity in marriage, or colleagues who couldn’t see an impending job loss despite company restructuring. We often wonder how people can be so blind to their situations. But blindsided isn’t just about being unaware – it’s a complex psychological condition where people actively ignore their feelings and the signals that life is desperately trying to send them.
In my practice, I frequently work with clients dealing with anxiety after being blindsided by marriage problems or career setbacks. What I’ve discovered is that being blindsided often stems from anxiety – but not in the way you might think. When we’re anxious about something potentially painful – like the possibility of infidelity in marriage or job loss – we sometimes cope by pushing those feelings away and living in denial.
Your unconscious mind is actually trying to protect you by sending warning signals through anxiety. These signals are attempting to break through your conscious defenses to say, “Hey, something serious is happening here that needs your attention!” However, when these feelings become too overwhelming or threatening, many people develop sophisticated ways to ignore or dismiss them.
This is particularly common in cases of marriage problems. I’ve worked with numerous clients who, deep down, sensed their relationship was in trouble but couldn’t bear to face that reality. Instead of addressing early warning signs of infidelity in marriage or communication breakdown, they pushed these concerns aside until the situation reached a crisis point.
The same pattern often appears with job loss. Clients might ignore workplace changes, declining performance reviews, or company restructuring because acknowledging these signs would mean facing uncomfortable truths. It’s easier to maintain the illusion of security than confront potential threats to our stability.
When people get blindsided, it’s frequently because they haven’t developed the emotional tools to handle difficult adult situations. Instead of processing challenging feelings, they resort to denial or disowning what’s right in front of them. This is where professional help becomes crucial – as your therapist, I can help you develop these essential emotional skills.
